Our Messed-up World

     Although I doubt that anyone looks at my blog (including me, apparently), I shall write a quick piece to prove that I am still alive and kicking (though not as high as I was 3 years ago).  

    Sooooo, did you know we're still living in a pandemic? Yes, two years and almost one month ago, life shut down as we knew it. Seattle went into a major shut down, and everyone (well, all of us who are sane and believe in science and democracy) began wearing masks, isolating themselves, and working from home when possible. Once approved vaccines became available, we all (again, by all, I mean all sane people) clamored to get ours. Twice. And boosted. 

    Life has slowly progressed around here, with modifications of masking and isolation, and we are trepidatiously entering back into group activities, hoping upon hope that we have enough safety to avoid serious illness and/or hospitalization or death. Fingers crossed.

    However, for anyone who might have been in a coma for two years, we have also been surrounded by insane, idiotic, and dangerous cult followers of FORMER president Trump ( EX-PRESIDENT, voted out of office legally and democratically) who endanger the very roots of our democracy and society. Oh, and Trump's idol, Putin, attacked Ukraine and is viciously waging an unprovoked war on that country, committing heinous acts of murder and destruction.

    Let's see, what else is there to update? Well, we do continue to destroy our ecosystem, extreme right-wing politicians in several states are banning books and trying to destroy voting rights, women's rights, and LGBTQ+ rights. Minor details.

    I guess the only thing left for me to gripe about is aging. Damn, but at 72 I am getting all sorts of reminders of the fact that my body is getting on in years. I believe I am mentally okay still (you'll have to take my word for that), but if you're only as young as you feel, then I am aging a lot quicker than I expected! So, let's raise a glass (wine, decaf coffee, Ensure...) to making it thus far, and here's hoping that 2022 somehow starts improving and that I'm still around to report on that in 2023!

Collector vs. Hoarder

There is a fine line between collecting and hoarding, but it is still well-defined. Hoarders cannot physically or emotionally part with anything, no matter how insignificant. Collectors simply are too lazy (or busy, in rare cases) to bother. I am in the latter category. I do not attach importance on items that would make it difficult for me to toss them out, but my inertia prevents me from doing so, and said inertia also nixes any chance of reaping a few bucks from a yard sale. That would require real work, and I'd much rather put my efforts into play.

Today I forced myself to spend just 90 minutes sorting through one of the myriad caches of old mail and other stuff, creating some new, but much better piles: recycling, sensitive shredding, and keeping (but not sure where yet). I certainly found some odds and ends that actually got placed in a permanent location (well, in the basement), and all the recycling is ready to go out to the bin. My "keep" pile, however, ended up in two small boxes: taxes (quite appropriate) and ...stuff. Still, it's a start, and who knows? Maybe by December I'll have gotten to the basement!

UPDATE: FIVE YEARS LATER and STILL all this holds true. But with three grandkids and more aches and pains, I have plenty of stock excuses for being lazy and procrastinating.

P.S. I had totally forgotten I even HAD this blog until I chanced upon it in an old iPad menu!

Another Year Bites the Dust...

Due to Facebook, email, Twitter, and honest-to-god interpersonal interactions, I have not bothered to write an essay for over a half year. One would think I actually live a busy life. The truth is, times flies by in retirement, and though you do not accomplish half as much as you did when working full-time, it takes you twice as long to do what you do accomplish.

This definitely works for me. I am by nature a rather lazy person, one who avoids doing anything unappealing, and so many activities do not appeal to me. Take for instance chores. Please. Take them. I can abide the grocery shopping (as long as it lasts no more than 15 minutes, preferably at my local neighborhood family-owned Ken's Market). I do simple household tasks such as food prep (dinner only--everything else is "fend for yourselves"), dishwasher ins and outs, and such by rote. I actually rather enjoy laundry, ever since we installed the machines in a closet outside our bedroom.  However, cleaning...? FORGET IT!

I cannot STAND to clean floors (dry or wet) and abhor dusting with a passion. Luckily, my disabled left shoulder gives me some leeway on these activities, and I have someone come help me a couple of times a month with these heinous drudgeries. My laziness does not keep me from doing activities that please me, however, and since retirement gives me both the time and the ability to explore intriguing prospects, I can and I do.

Hence, water aerobics 3-5 times a week. Or the occasional leisurely walk in one of the many fascinating neighborhoods of Seattle. Or traveling! Not so much out-of-country excursions, but in and around the PNW, down to California for friends and Death Valley, and of course all the way to Brooklyn, New York to see and be entertained by our darling granddaughter (OK, and her parents, too).

And so, when I look back on why I have not written anything for almost 8 months, I have to say it is due partly because of my innate laziness, but mostly it is because I have been wrapped up in the joys of traveling. Two trips to Brooklyn, a cruise to Mexico, multiple travels in and around Seattle, and several family gatherings here. Oh, the water aerobics, too. Seems that by the time I get home from them, have my lunch, and finish doing my daily puzzles in the newspaper, I just don't feel like doing anything else.

Go figure.

Walking the Neighborhood

One of the joys of living on the Crown of Queen Anne Hill is that as long as I stay on or within the crown, I'm pretty much on level terrain. Any diversions and it is one steep downhill incline! (Not to mention the joys of returning straight uphill.) Today, with the sun out and the temperatures not too unpleasant, I decided to traverse the top of the hill and explore my neighborhood rather than go to an indoor pool for water aerobics. Always good to change up the old exercise routine.

I max out at about three miles of continuous walking, and I can keep a fairly steady 2.5 MPH pace. This affords me enough exertion to make an impact but not so much as to cause me stress. I prefer to recover in one day, not two or three.

After having a bad experience the last time I did a major (for me) walk, I have learned an important lesson: I must remember to rehydrate and consume a few calories or I risk fainting. My solution this time was simple: stop at Starbucks for a nice iced decaf tea and a quick check of emails at about the 1.3 mile post. Then at Ken's, around the 2 mile mark, buy a Six Strawberries scrumptious blueberry lemonade artisan ice pop, savor it slowly while sitting outside, and then buy a few supplies and tackle the last half mile.

This plan worked like a charm, and it has encouraged me to try other walks on and even down the hill. I do believe that rewarding myself with a special beverage and a tasty bite or perhaps some sushi will spur me on to try out some new routes. Healthy foods make great motivators for me!

Traveling and Health

I just returned from a wonderfully rejuvenating, fun visit with all my crazy cousins and sibs back in the Chicagoland area. This was a short reunion of all 10 of us, and since I'm one of the "babies," it didn't surprise me that many conversations centered around our health (or the failing thereof). 

I traveled back and forth between Seattle to Chicago by Amtrak, luxuriating in my own little first-class roomette on The Empire Builder. This route features spectacular scenery, and the service on the train both ways was top-notch. What pleased me about the whole trip, including the train travel, was that I maintained my healthy lifestyle even though I had little control over my dietary options. My good health habits that I have developed over the past two years are in fact, just that: HABITS! I didn't have to dwell on food decisions. I simply did what is now the norm for me, and that was just fine. Did I splurge on some extra special treats? Of course. Did I then fall prey to the "Oh, what the hell, I've blown it anyway" mode and binge afterward? No. Didn't do it, didn't want to do it. 

I am in my last phase of losing weight and will soon transition to maintaining weight. I get the feeling I am not going to be making any real changes except adjusting my calories. I intend to do that gradually, perhaps adding a small amount each week until I get to a good stopping point. This will keep me from panicking and thinking that I am "off" somehow or disrupting my routines too much. 

I honestly don't care if it takes three months or six months to lose the last 12 pounds. That's not the magic goal for me any longer. I just want good health for life.

63 and Loving Life

Today, on my 63rd birthday, I am healthier and happier than I have been in many years. I've now dropped 105 pounds, am eating sensibly and enjoying it more, and I am finding ways to keep active and control pain better. Best of all, I have great friends and family all over the world, so I can think of nothing more I really need or want for a birthday present. Even the sun has been shining and the rain has not fallen today, as if to say Happy Birthday to me. (sounds a bit narcissistic, but meant to be poetic in nature) :-)

A Pattern

Over the past ten months I've seen a pattern develop with my weight and my cravings. I tend to lose weight in a bit of a two steps forward, one step back way. This is one reason why I do not record my weight every week but rather only when it goes to a new low. That doesn't mean I don't get on the scale often! Now, though, I don't react negatively or in a panic when I notice weight creeping back up a bit even though I am eating correctly, carefully accounting for my intake, and exercising religiously. My body just lies to drop, then hold, then creep up, then suddenly drop, drop, drop to a new low. At the same time, right before the drop, drop, drop occurs, I tend to be hungry rather continuously. I've worked hard to overcome the urge to say, "To hell with it!" and eat poorly, because although there is no logic to the creeping weight, I have learned that my body catches up with my behaviors given enough time. Fruits, veggies, and healthy carbs really help with snacks, and these periods of hunger are well-suited for my occasional red meat meals. Whatever my body is doing, it seems to do it in its own little way, and by tracking myself and paying attention to these patterns, I am learning to trust my hard-earned healthy habits.

Surprise Phone Call

I love caller ID. It can warn you if you're being bugged by  telemarketer. It can let you know if it's the call you've been waiting to receive. Today caller ID signaled that a childhood friend from Illinois was on the line, and so I was able to avoid awkwardness. I hadn't talked to my friend Pam for years and years. Strangely, the way the conversation progressed, you would have thought we were in the habit of calling each other on a regular basis. 

Pam had found a huge biography on Rudolf Nureyev, the incredible ballet dancer that we idolized as teenagers. We saw the Royal Ballet while we were in high school, and seeing Nureyev and Fonteyn dance "Giselle" truly ranks as a life highlight. Both of us even got ourrograms personally autographed by the two stars!  Reading the biography simply compelled Pam to call, and we chattered about all sorts of mundane things. 

Pam's poor phone connection cut our conversation off rather abruptly, but hopefully we can share a call a little more often now. :-)

Lefties Unite!

August 13th is LEFT-HANDERS' DAY, so please honor all of us by trying to remember some of the following tips:

1) NEVER use ladles with only one lip unless you want punch spilled everywhere.

2) DON'T try to "teach us" by attempting to do things leftie; we automatically mirror your examples (watch us knit). I always found it easier to help guide right-handed third graders with cursive writing one-on-one because of this!

3) DON'T EVER TRY TO FORCE A PERSON TO BECOME A RIGHTIE! We didn't "choose" to be special, we just are. :-) 

4) Don't worry about left-handed scissors; the vast majority of us cannot use them because we adapted to your scissors in pre-school & kindergarten. Trust me, I know. It's a scream to watch me try.

5) Don't bother trying to share sports equipment. We really cannot use "regular" golf clubs except for putters, so unless we're only doing putt-putt golf, we need left-handed clubs. This goes for baseball mitts, shotguns, and a whole slew of things YOU never realized were customized for right-handed users.

6) Always seat us at a corner of a table with no one on our left. It saves on us having to endlessly say, "Sorry as we attempt to eat, drink, and be merry. Shere's  all of us lefties. We may be only 10% of the population, but we are a mighty group!

Bragging Rights

An old Danish belief is to stay humble and not try to place yourself above others or show off. I'm thinking, however, that perhaps adopting good health habits is a reason to brag since it also fits into the lifestyle preferences I noticed each time I visited my ancestral homeland. Therefore, today I am bragging. Since making some changes in my daily habits in October, I have lost 66 pounds and dropped 4 sizes in pants, and best of all, I feel better.

No, my Ehlers-Danlos, hypermobility  has not miraculously been cured (and sadly, that genetic defect came from Denmark), but I certainly feel younger and more capable and energetic. So much so that I overdid it four days ago in a new water aerobics class and really bummed up my back. Serves me right for trying to show off how limber and flexible I am in the water. Duh, that's what my syndrome IS. I've been paying for my transgression for four days now, but I'll be back in the water by Tuesday, for sure. Lesson learned: I can brag about my improved health and better habits, but NOT about myself! ;-)

Family

I remind myself quite often that I have wonderful children. This does not downgrade anyone else's progeny. It is simply a fact. Bill and I certainly had our trials and tribulations being parents, and we made mistakes; plenty of them. But our kids developed into unique, independent, creative, adventuresome, and loving adults.

I think the fact that Meg and Will know that regardless of where they live or what they do in life, we are here for them. They are and always will be number one in our book, and that is a very secure feeling for them, I hope. They have friends who have turned to our house as a safe haven, because we offer "normalcy" or stability or consistency or SOMETHING that just makes this old place comfortable. It's a hang-out, I guess. :-)

If you were to meet my extended family, you'd notice some common threads in our personalities. By and large we were raised in a rather Capra-esque situation (think "You Can't Take It with You") and as little money most of our parents and our grandmother had, it was always assumed that anyone was welcome at the table on Sundays and holidays, and if someone needed a temporary place to sleep, then so be it.

So, as I think about my own children and their adult lives, I feel so lucky to have such great kids. I wish they could know my own family better (although it might be a bit alarming to them to see my most annoying or embarrassing traits exhibited by so many of my cousins). And I wish my family could see how wonderful my kids are. They'll just have to take my word for it.

New Habits and a Healthier Life

"Old Habits Die Hard." That adage clearly comes from centuries of anecdotal evidence, and I can personally attest to its veracity. "Been there, done that" is another chestnut that sums up many of my experiences, and putting those two quotes together you have some idea of how I've managed to successfully lose significant amounts of weight on sensible programs such as Weight Watchers, only to have them hopelessly creep back.

When you couple entrenched bad habits with increasing problems from a chronic health problem (mine is Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Hypermobility), it's not hard to see why a diet does not ensure lasting results. When you add the defeatist attitude as I did, you basically succumb to the bad habits and give up the pleasures of good health.

It's funny what can trigger change. For me, it was the birth of my sweet little granddaughter, Lola. Holding her for the first time at 2 weeks and seeing her again at 4 months of age, it suddenly dawned on me: I wanted to live a long time and watch Lola grow up! Fortunately, husband Bill supports and encourages me in all my endeavors. It was Bill who first got me to start doing water aerobics twice a week at the local city pool, and it was Bill who suggested I up the ante and use the Group Health Silver Sneakers program to add another day of exercises at the Olympic Athletic Club's pool.

Sadly, my first time at OAC was my last for several months: I slipped on a slick step getting in to the pool and wrenched my arm, torso, and knee quite severely. Thankfully, nothing was permanently damaged. I did eventually go back.

I knew I needed to do more than just go to water exercises, however, since I knew the key to any lasting success would be to truly rid myself of some extremely dangerous decades-old bad habits and to develop healthy, sane new ones. I could NOT go on a diet, but instead I had to create a new lifestyle for myself.

Group Health offered an online 6 week class called "Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions." I signed on to begin in October, 2011 and even bought the materials, knowing full well that I would not really "learn" anything new. The old saying, "If you want to know how to diet, ask a fat person," is quite true. Remember: been there, done that! Something about the set-up of the class clicked with me. Members in the forum set their own weekly goals and focused on that crucial concept of forming NEW habits. The 6-week timeframe was no accident. I decided to take baby steps and to use an additive approach.

My first goal was to do water aerobics three times a week for at least 30 minutes each time. That meant returning to OAC. I recorded my efforts via the class website and began a journal (the more successful participants in our group of about a dozen people were the most interactive ones). I succeeded in the first week and kept that as a primary goal throughout the 6 weeks.

In week two, I added a new goal: NO food after 8 PM, at least 5 days a week, except fresh fruit or vegetables. Someone once said, "You aren't really hungry if you aren't hungry for an apple." This was probably the most important lifestyle change I could make. I have addictive eating behaviors, very similar to the behaviors of a drug addict or an alcoholic. My brain alone does not tell me to stop (my stomach certainly doesn't), and it is totally irrational behavior. This is why the online class was important for me. I was setting the goals, I was monitoring my behaviors, but it was within a community of support that WASN'T focused on food and success WASN'T measured by weight loss. The program was to help me learn how to live a healthy life within the confines of my disabilities.

It wasn't until the 4th week of the class that I decided to begin looking at the rest of my daily food intake. I had become comfortable with the nighttime no food policy and it seemed to be a habit. I was doing water aerobics three times a week habitually. I realized, though, that in two weeks I'd be losing the use of the online data bases and trackers supplied by the class, so I searched for an alternative. I debated rejoining Weight Watchers online, but I truly wanted a change and didn't want to measure success by the scale. I found Sparkpeople.com. I won't go into its history or credentials, but it is a web site that offers free record-keeping spreadsheets for all sorts of activities for good health. Whether you are training for an Iron Man contest or simply trying to build up strength to walk a mile, whether you are trying to lose or gain weight, whether you are 25 or 95, you can find free resources on Sparkpeople.com.

I now keep track of my cardio workouts daily (I do water aerobics 3-5 times a week and have started adding walking miles into the mix). I eat healthy meals (following the recommendations of a GHC nutritionist with whom I consulted), and I happily embrace my new habits and do not miss my old ones.  I have learned to live with Ehlers-Danlos and accept its limitations and pain by using better coping skills. In the process, my lifestyle changes have caused a significant weight loss for me, and my doctor and I are quite pleased. I learned a neat trick for me: regardless of what the scale says each time I get on it, I only record weight LOSSES, never gains. That allows me to see positive progress and keeps me from second-guessing what I know is a successful approach to good health and more importantly, a longer life (barring any trucks bowling me over). I intend to see Lola graduate from college someday.

Decisions, Decisions

Bill has gone through two intermediate level chemo treatments, and today he met his permanent oncologist (his initial doctor was just "on loan"). Expecting to begin episode three, we heard instead some detailed information about remission statistics. Apparently, a more aggressive regime would probably deliver a far greater chance of a longer remission period (5-7 years vs 1-3).

The downside to going with the more aggressive treatment is the increased side effects. Bill would really feel this one. The trade-off? Most likely a much longer remission. The doctor has advised Bill to go the aggressive route because of Bill's strong physical activity level and his relatively young age.

It is so hard to go in a new direction after commiting to the first one, but Bill has a week to think about all the angles before making a final commitment.

First Day

Today Bill had his first chemotherapy treatment. He will be doing CVP once every three weeks for an undetermined time. Basically this involves a couple of hours at the clinic receiving an IV drip of two chemo drugs (the C and the V) and then 7 days taking Prednisone pills followed by two weeks of no cancer drugs.

The people at the clinic were friendly and efficient, and Bill and I came loaded with books, newspapers, and puzzles, so the time went by pretty quickly (at least for me). Bill's a trooper and took it all in stride, and I know he'll do well because he is otherwise in such great physical shape. Just getting treatment started is a breakthrough, and it helps us move forward. With biking and gardening and family and friends, Bill has a lot to keep him positive and happy as he works through his treatment.

Still Waiting...

Bill saw the oncologist today (after the snow-postponement last Thursday), however there was not as much to learn as we had hoped. The bone marrow and bone samples have been sent on to the University of Washington for further test results to help the doctors define and refine the diagnosis and determine a more specific range of treatment options. This is neither a good nor bad thing; it is just the science of medical determination, if you will. :-)

Dr. Cutter was, however, quite encouraging and buoying. He noted that Bill's white cell counts over the course of the month have actually been dropping a bit, which is certainly better than rising. He also noted that Bill has no other symptoms for his CLL and because of all the information they have thus far, although it is a psychological anxiety that we feel right now (and justifiably, he said), there is not a medical urgency for treatment. This was good to hear.

We will be checking each day or so to see when the results do come back to Dr. Cutter, and he will have a phone consultation with us at that time, so, I guess we'll just consider that "no news is good news" and hope for some final decision within a week or so. Until then, I'm getting old. Tomorrow (Jan. 25) I turn 62. Yikes! :-)

Winter!

Since we have no place we have to be any longer, we've been able to appreciate the beauty of snow in Seattle (Bill's oncology appointment today was turned into a phone consultation, but alas, the bone marrow results haven't come in yet. We rescheduled for Tuesday). This was taken Wednesday morning as I looked out into our new patio. The birds have been flocking around our feeders for hours on end for more than two days now; they seem to love the weather and the food!

Luckily, we have not suffered any power outage (yet!), so we remain toasty warm and totally connected via technology. Fun (when you are retired)!

Curve Balls

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. It happened to us on Dec. 30th, 2011, when we learned that Bill probably had leukemia. For the 10 days following, waiting for further test results and a consultation with a specialist, everything seemed to go into slow motion. It's amazing how something like that just kicks you in the gut and makes you depressed, panicked, anxious, numb, and afraid. Bill is stoic; I am not, but both of us felt the pain and agony of waiting. The kids were traumatized.

Getting a diagnosis of any form of cancer is never "good news," but when we met with the specialist after our interminable wait, he did help buoy our spirits. It is CLL, a chronic form of the disease and considered highly treatable. There is no cure for leukemia, but there are a variety of chemo therapies used on CLL, depending on the stage and other factors, and we'll probably find out what Bill's treatment regime will be after Jan. 19th.

We haven't hit the curve ball out of the park yet, but the odds are in our favor, and I have ever bit of confidence that we will. :-)

Christmas 2011

Lola seemed to enjoy eating the wrapping paper almost as much as getting the presents, and we all enjoyed watching her experience her first Christmas. She saw cousins and uncles and aunts and dogs, as well as all her grandparents, and we showed her off to many friends as well. We are so happy to have Lola and her parents visiting Seattle for the holidays, and we're making the most of the time. She's adorable!

Wishing for a Happier 2012

Would it be too much to as for Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards all humanity? I swear the emotional climate of this country and of the world is crushingly nasty and violent. Whether people are bullying at a personal level or corporately or politically, I really am not sure I've ever seen it this negative and hateful. Fortunately, I occasionally read about someone somewhere who has shown true compassion for a fellow being, but all too often I hear of hate crimes, paranoia, bigotry, cruelty, and amoral behaviors and pronouncements.

Let us hope for some return to sanity in the coming year; it won't begin, probably until the elections are over, but perhaps we'll still see something more akin to goodwill than we've seen this year. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm still hoping.

Lola has developed a love of good literature at an early age. Unfortunately, at the moment her only desire is to literally tear into it, but I am sure she'll be reading voraciously when she discovers the printed word has more than nutritional value. :-)